i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
