yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
