Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
