Kiss
Puke
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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