My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize