if you like me you must not know who I am
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
