don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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