And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
