Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
