I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
