You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
