I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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