so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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