If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
