i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
whose ass print is on the piano?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
