i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
