I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
