Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize