Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
