Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
