I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
