dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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