You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
