somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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