he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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