The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
