The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
