It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
