My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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