considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
