Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
