I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
