if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
