I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
