Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
