wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
