oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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