You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
