the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
