My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
