im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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