I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
