So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You pole danced in your parka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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