Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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