my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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