i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
