Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
