kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
