everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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