What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
