No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
