As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
