I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
