I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
