i don't like sucking hair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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