k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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