I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
