Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize