I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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