I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
