I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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