It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
