so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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