so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
