I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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