Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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