I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
