I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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