it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
