Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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