True but thats because hes a fetus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
