I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
