erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize