Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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