Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize