Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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